you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
