hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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