i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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