but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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