My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
