There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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