your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
