I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
