She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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