NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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