I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
