so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
