dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
