So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
