Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
