He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
