I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
