How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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