woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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