mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
