I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
