did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
