Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
