I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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