SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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