Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
