Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
