Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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