a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
