Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
