smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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