respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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