I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
