My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
