My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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