You made me cry and you don't even care
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
