Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
