You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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