May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drake has all the answers
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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