Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
