I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
