My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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