I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
