Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
