I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
