I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
