just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
