Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
