nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We are two peas in an std pod
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
