He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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