Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
