I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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