i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
